Communication. Team work. Leadership.

Those words seem to be the epitome of my college career. Whether it was through organizations, classes, or even social activities, I have learned what these mean, or did I? I proudly told the rest of the Sigma Sigma Lambda crew aka Student Success Leaders (SSL) to come up with other words or other things they could say besides team work and communication when we participated in the ropes course this past summer. I laughed; they laughed; especially when they were told not to use those words by BJ and Terry. lol

Maybe it is because I am getting older or maybe it is karma, but I am starting to believe communication and team work is not a means to an end. There is more to it than just those words. These two words contain more meaning than most probably do in fact. I am an agricultural communications major. I am scared to admit this, but we are often told 'you are a communications major, and you don't know how to communicate.' Hmmm.... Or, the statement that really hit me like a brick--Question: 'what can we do to make this better?'---Answer: 'Communicate.' OK, it was basically something like that lol. All I could think about was, 'what?!?' All of a sudden there seemed to be much more to it than just a simple word. Communications is about sending and receiving messages. In my opinion, more than just talking and more than just listening. Communication is about trust, respect, honesty, etc. However, these words do not seem to come up much.

Leadership. I could devote a whole blog to this topic. It is also my minor! I find it very interesting, and I enjoy learning more about the topic. However, once again this semester I have been challenged with what I thought leadership was. Here is my answer. Leadership should not be defined as someone who is extroverted and is seen as the 'leader'. Leaders come in all varieties! Some may be introverted. Sometimes those are the best leaders. Also, with successful leadership comes active followers. It is not realistic to expect everyone to be 'leaders' as that does not work. I use quotes around 'leader' because this is the way I view other people's opinions on what a 'leader' should be. They should be the most outgoing person, with the most outrageous ideas, making other people notice...Hmmm...yes, some people can and should lead like this, but it is not the only way. I also believe in situational leadership. For example, I may not be very outspoken in a class, but that does not make me any less of a leader. Because for example, I am very outspoken in others. And, when you force others to be outspoken, it isn't authentic...that defeats everything in my opinion. So then what did we accomplish? Something to ponder.

Thank you, Dad.

The older I get, the more I realize how much my parents are actually pretty smart. Here is one example. My dad has been in education for as long as I can remember. He has a passion for students and helping them to learn and believe they too can do things with their life. He was always very involved with Student Council. I had the privilege of serving on Student Council all 4 years of high school. My senior year, however, something happened that I didn't realize was so cool until probably just a few days ago.

The National Guard wanted to create opportunities to recruit at different schools. They were asking what they could do to get involved. At this same time, our basketball coach was taking a group of kids to the National Summer Special Olympics games or something like that, but it was a big deal. This coach was their head coach and he knew it was going to cost money. Student Council was determined to find a way to help them out. When the National Guard arrived, we quickly thought of something and acted. What better way to support a basketball team than by playing basketball! We arranged a group of students and faculty and they played against the National Guard. Tickets were sold and we held a raffle for a TV.

Oilton is a small town. Yes, small towns do come together and support goals such as this, but that night there were also little league games going on so several people couldn't attend. Everyone had a great time and we were able to present Coach Madison with a check for approximately $800. You might not think that is a lot, but I still think that was pretty good for us!

You see my dad allowed us to dream as big as we want. He allowed us to do what we want. He let us have input. But, he helped, guided, and encouraged us along the way. Why did I just realize how great of a teacher my dad was until a couple of days ago? With the way some things are going, I feel like I had more of a chance in high school to be responsible, to be trusted, and to dream. It doesn't always go like that, but right now I am just trying to jump some of those hurdles. Thank you, Dad for believing and trusting in me and the rest of the Student Council for allowing us to do something we were passionate about.

The Enemy

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." John 10:10

Wow! So it has been a really long time since my last post. I have contemplated of what my next thing to write would be, and I still may use some of those ideas, but this verse was placed on my heart today. How many times do we get caught up in the negative things of the world? You know what I am talking about...the things that just bring us down; the things that can make a day go from great to please just let me finish this day, God. Not so much have I been having of those please get me from here to there type of experiences, but more a long the lines of I am tired of things and people destroying my happiness. Of course, I have definitely added on to that by telling myself negative things. In a few short months, everything that I have known will be wiped away from me. I am most definitely a planner and not knowing what my next step will be makes me nervous. God keeps giving me strength, and I thank Him so much for that. Other things in my life have changed or will change, and I will have to find a way to cope with that as well.

We read a book this summer for SSL summer reading :) called "How Full is Your Bucket." It took no time at all to read this simple book, but the application part is pretty straightforward. You fill others 'buckets' with words of encouragement or things that make them truly happy. They are supposed to reciprocate, but the whole act of giving makes it totally worth not receiving anything back. As the saying goes, "it is better to give than to receive." When we deplete others 'buckets' it makes it hard for that person to truly accomplish anything because they have nothing to draw from. However, the really hard part is when the people you surround yourself with don't buy into this. That sometimes becomes the enemy. I can't destroy this enemy, but my God can. Thank you, God, for allowing me to realize this.

I wrote a post earlier about people being in different parts of their lives. I still very much believe this. Sometimes it is hard for us to understand where the other person is coming from, but quite possibly I have found a solution...pray. I think I have said that one before too. We are never going to live in that perfect world, but bringing peace within yourself is a big step towards that goal. When we are living in Christ's Will, you cannot falter because He is helping you right along the way.

So take that enemy. This is my senior year. I can not let you have the victory. I love 1 Corinthians 13. Here is a part that keeps making more and more sense to me. "It [love] always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." God is love. Sorry if this blog went in several directions. I just felt like I really needed to share this. Blogging definitely makes me lose my focus on a topic lol.

The rant

Ok, so I just need to rant a little bit and I will be alright. I have started to realize this affects most every aspect of my life...I am 21 years old. I do not need to be treated like I am still in high school. No, I can't do it all by myself and I need guidance, but I don't need to be told what to do.

For example, this workshop we are doing. Don't get me wrong, I am still excited about doing it, but there is a ton more work to it than there should be. I do not think the presenters need to be in meeting after meeting of how to do a workshop or over the material they are presenting. I assure you they know what they are talking about. I assure you they know the difference between teaching to high school students and college students. We are going to school for this. If we do not know something, we know how to ask questions, but we should already know the answer. This should be fun and they have made it a bother. We are helping you out. You asked us to do this workshop for a reason.

Scared to mention this area of life in fear of being hated upon. But, if you read this, you probably know. This is where I believe that a senior in college shouldn't be doing the same things a freshman does. Thanks Karolyn for pointing that one out. Meaning I shouldn't have to participate in a ropes course to promote team building. That is what I did all through high school and now all through college. If this is the only way teams can be built, we are in trouble. More I could say about this, but probably shouldn't lol.

Like I said, I know I can't do it all by myself. However, I don't really like when people tell me exactly how to do something when they have given us control. And, I don't like it when we set deadlines for a reason and then they completely shatter. Deadlines have a purpose. I can only do so much.

"How He Loves"

The David Crowder Band keeps producing hits. Their newest single, "How He Loves," is another great one. I thought I would share the lyrics.

David Crowder Band--How He Loves

He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane
I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.

When all of a sudden
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
And I realise just how beautiful You are
And how great Your affections are for me

And oh, how He loves us so
Oh how He loves us
How He loves us all

He loves us
Oh how He loves us
Oh how He loves us
Oh how He loves
Yeah, He loves us
Oh how He loves us
Oh how He loves us
Oh how He loves

We are His portion and He is our prize
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean
we’re all sinking

So Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets
When I think about, the way

He loves us
Oh how He loves us
Oh how He loves us
Oh how He loves
Yeah, He loves us
Oh how He loves us
Oh how He loves us
Oh how He loves

To hear this song, visit http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f0XTJA3FBkE
To visit their site, visit http://www.davidcrowderband.com/

Oh, Michael

The King of Pop has died and will be laid to rest today. I'm sure you have heard. MJ had some decent music and some pretty cool dance moves, but do you think he should be receiving so much media attention? He died over a week ago. OK, I know I am going to be scrutinized for believing such things, but it is kinda ridiculous in my opinion. I am sad that he died. I am always sad when someone has died. But, this guy scares me. I mean I don't even know what color of skin he has and he molested young boys. Why do we look up to him? I mean the rest of the world. And the video footage of him practicing for his tour just days before he died scares me. I don't know what it is, it just scares me lol. Within the past couple of weeks, we have watched Farrah Fawcett, Ed McMahon, and Billy Mays die. They didn't draw this much attention. This was a silly rant, but I guess that is why I blog. RIP MJ and get off my television!

West Texas

Fields of grass is all you can see for miles. You can barely see the structures where memories were made. That tiny ghost town leaves a warning on an abandoned building, "Leave Now, Leave Now." The creeks and riverbeds have all run dry. However, the spirit of a small West Texas town of Lefors still lives on.

This past weekend I had the opportunity to attend my dad's high school reunion with him. When the mailer arrived several months ago, I practically begged my dad to go. Ok, it wasn't that bad, but I wanted to see who, what, when, where, and why my dad talked so much about this place. I guess that is my communications instinct and my love of history. A few days ago, my dad told me that none of his friends were bringing their wives. That means there would be no women. But, this is why I love my dad. He didn't even care and still wanted me to go with him. I have to admit I was a little nervous about this, but it wasn't bad.

On the way to the hotel, my dad took me around Lefors and several places where he grew up. When we arrived at the hotel, I was excited to see my uncle and finally meet some of these guys my dad talks about. When I met them, I knew it was going to be ok. They surprised me by giving me a hug...a little Texas hospitality perhaps? They shared stories, which were hilarious. Probably not if I had been their mother back then :) That night we went to a friend of theirs in Lefors. Sitting on the front porch, telling stories. When you are on the front porch, all is well with the world.

The next morning, we took the "scenic" route to Lefors. Bowers City, where my dad first went to school, and was a small community about 10 miles or so from Lefors, now only has a narrow road and a few abandoned buildings. We finally made it to the high school. It seemed like everyone knew everyone. My dad was quick to say, "This is my daughter, Megan." And, if he forgot and was talking, either my uncle or one of their friends introduced me. You could tell they were close and would do anything for one of those guys.

Most of the people were really nice and enjoyable to talk to. However, there were a couple...One couldn't get it through his head that just because I take writing classes doesn't make me a writer. You know the kind that writes books and children's books. And the other. I better be careful here because he is a friend of my dads and uncles. But, he sit by me the night before and kept talking to me and my uncle and didn't remember me the next day. Seriously? I know beer was involved, but really?

It was a great day. my dad has some pretty good friends. It is good to see a small town produce such good people. It is good to see people who did something upon graduation. Maybe they went into banking, legislature, or education. Yup, I saw it all here. Yet, they will never forget the place where it all started. Plus, we got quite a fireworks display on our way back :)

Follow your dreams

I have always been an imaginative girl. Typically they were the dreams of an innocent girl who wanted the perfect life, or at least the perfect life in her eyes :)

It wasn't until high school when I started to really dream and set goals for myself. Most of this occurred because of the impact my agricultural education class had on me. It was unreal to me that someone besides family members would really believe in me. I mean I was this new kid in a new environment who was extremely shy. Why would you think I would be good at giving speeches? It turned out that within 4 years, I had garnered many plaques and placed twice at the state speech contest. Not to pat myself on the back, but I want to give credit to the person who believed in me -- my ag ed instructor.

The thing about ag teachers is that they always want to improve. They always want to inspire and impact their students because one had done the same for them several years before. They come up with new ideas to help their students make the most of their experience while in FFA and their class.

Currently, I have the opportunity of working with one of these instructors who want to give not only his students, but also other students, more. In fact, this idea has been brewing for two years now. This reminded me why the ag ed classroom made me want to dream. I feel blessed to be a part of making a goal of his come true. I hope we will do a good job and not let him and his chapter down. :)

I love this. I love being a part of making someone else's goals a reality. Take home message for the day: Dream. Set goals. Sound like high school? Maybe. But, why do we think we are above that?

"And when you dream, dream big. As big as the ocean blue'. Cause when you dream it might come true." - Ryan Shupe, Dream Big

Jon & Kate... +8

OK, so I want to know what you think of this subject? I haven't been a fan very long. And, I don't know if you can really call me a "fan" either, but I was definitely interested. If you don't know, they are filing for a divorce. But, if I am correct, they will still air the shows but Jon and Kate won't be in the same house when they tape. On the show last night, Kate said she wanted "peace for the kids." Personally, peace does not mean having a camera in my house displaying for the whole world to see my pain as my husband and I go through a divorce. I haven't disliked them until now, but currently, I feel bad for those kids. They can't make these decisions. The adults do. But, they are still going to air these shows? Makes me feel bad, ya know? Don't you think the cameras probably aided in some of the poor actions leading up to the divorce? I don't think they are thinking about their kids. Sorry for the complete random post, but I just wanted your opinion.

Can I have your autograph please?

Every 5 years the high school my dad graduated from has a reunion. I have only been to this one other time when I was young. The two things I can remember are 1) my little brother got lost at the dance, and I really thought I would NEVER see him again lol...got me a little scared...and 2) it is pretty windy in West Texas. However, this year my dad and I are making the trek back there. I am really really excited about this.

Well last night my dad was going through some things and he happened on some stuff he has kept from his Texas days. I love it when he goes through stuff and has a story for every single thing :) Typically they are about football and I have probably heard them before, but of course I listen. Actually, I really do like to hear his stories lol. I heard about his old football coach, Dunny Goode. According to my dad, in a nutshell, he was a good coach and a good person. He also talked about several other guys whom he preceded to say, "You will get to meet this guy." Not gonna lie, this made me laugh. I thought it was so cute he said that. LOL. OK, so I probably won't ask for their autograph, but I am glad my dad and I get to spend some quality time together and he gets to see his buddies.

Daddy's Girl? Guilty. Being the only daughter I have a duty to keep, and I do the best I can. :)

The Power of the President

So I was fumbling around facebook earlier and noticed one of my "friends" had taken one of those quizzes where she approves of President Barack Obama's job as president thus far. I am completely OK with her having an opinion because isn't that why we love America?? However, what I did find quite funny was that after she bashed Bush she said, "The President doesn't have as much power as you think."

In response to her - If the president doesn't have as much power as I think then why do you solely blame Bush for the past 8 years? He didn't have that much power I thought...

By the way, I don't like President Barack Obama's job as president at all, but he is my president so I will respect him...for some reason I just really felt like posting this.

My Jesus

Sadly, this song does not come on the radio much. However, I really like it. It speaks the truth. Jesus was a servant to those He was around. This song makes you really think. To me, it makes me want to do good to all people not just the people who look and act like me. I hope it encourages you to do the same. (I highlighted the part that really speaks to me). Makes me a little ashamed of myself, and for the majority, alot of other people.

Todd Agnew- My Jesus

Which Jesus do you follow?
Which Jesus do you serve?
If Ephesians says to imitate Christ
Then why do you look so much like the world?

Cause my Jesus bled and died
He spent His time with thieves and liars
He loved the poor and accosted the arrogant
So which one do you want to be?

Blessed are the poor in spirit
Or do we pray to be blessed with the wealth of this land
Blessed are they that hunger and thirst for righteousness
Or do we ache for another taste of this world of shifting sand

Cause my Jesus bled and died for my sins
He spent His time with thieves and sluts and liars
He loved the poor and accosted the rich
So which one do you want to be?

Who is this that you follow
This picture of the American dream
If Jesus was here would you walk right by on the other side or fall down and worship at His holy feet

Pretty blue eyes and curly brown hair and a clear complexion
Is how you see Him as He dies for Your sins
But the Word says He was battered and scarred
Or did you miss that part
Sometimes I doubt we'd recognize Him

Cause my Jesus bled and died
He spent His time with thieves and the least of these
He loved the poor and accosted the comfortable
So which one do you want to be?

Cause my Jesus would never be accepted in my church
The blood and dirt on His feet would stain the carpet
But He reaches for the hurting and despised the proud
I think He'd prefer Beale St. to the stained glass crowd
And I know that He can hear me if I cry out loud

I want to be like my Jesus!
I want to be like my Jesus!

Not a posterchild for American prosperity, but like my Jesus
You see I'm tired of living for success and popularity
I want to be like my Jesus but I'm not sure what that means to be like You Jesus
Cause You said to live like You, love like You but then You died for me
Can I be like You Jesus?
I want to be like my Jesus

To hear the song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y5Svz6YFtkI

The wide world of sports

Growing up in a house with 2 brothers I have been apart of my fair share of sports. Whether it was watching the boys play, actually playing with them, or watching sports on TV, sports have been a staple in our house. I grew up watching the Denver Broncos play on Sunday with my grandparents and then later on my parents. Do I have a connection with the Broncos? No. Do you have a connection with whatever team you cheer for? Probably not, you just like them. Sorry, I just felt like I needed to put that in there. Most people don't understand why a girl cheers for a football team for which she has no ties to. I mean my family is from Colorado so I guess there will always be a loyalty there. OK, that was not where I was going with this post. Ultimately, I love sports. Do I know what all the positions are called? No. Do I know what the different plays are called? No. Do I get into it like a guy does? No. But, that doesn't mean I can't like sports. And, it doesn't mean I am stupid when it comes to sports. Once again, not the point. Wow, my focus is terrible tonight...

If you know me now, you probably wouldn't think I have ever played sports or would like them. But, I played softball for the longest time, competitive cheer for a little bit, cheered, and I danced (I know it isn't a sport, but you go try it lol). I would have played basketball, but I just couldn't get past the whole shooting the ball with someone guarding you thing lol. I think it is fun to still play some of these things, however I must be the one who initiates it not you asking me because I will say no every time. FYI I guess lol.

It's not just football though. My brothers played basketball, baseball and golf. I haven't quite found myself at a golf match yet and probably won't, but they like it. However, I have attended tons of basketball and baseball games. I really do like going to these. It is almost as if for however long the game is, there are no worries anymore. You just enjoy watching the game; maybe not so much at times lol. So many emotions can arise from a single game and they leave memories that last a lifetime (Although don't dwell on your glory days please lol).

Tonight I was once again reminded how much I love sports. My niece is playing T-ball this year. She is 3 years old. It is the funniest thing I have ever seen and it allows for plenty of laughs along the way. While her game was going on, probably about 3 others were being played and 2 others on the other set of fields. Baseball, America's favorite past-time. I understand why. I think I am looking forward to this summer watching her play. After that, we went to my little brother's basketball scrimmage. They are in a summer league where they just scrimmage a bunch of teams over a 2 week period. He transferred schools last year so he is playing with a bigger school. However, this league definitely has small schools attending. Many of these schools my high school played so it is kind of fun to watch. It makes me laugh when I watch small school coaches. They are so intense. It doesn't matter if it is in a game or scrimmage, if they are winning or losing, they want their players to play to their fullest potential all the time. They get out of their chairs, yell a little, walk around, etc. It is so funny. I never thought about it until tonight, but they all do it. Maybe that is why I like small school basketball...it is just fun. I mean our team was losing, but they were having a great time...way to go guys lol.

OK, so this is probably the most random post, but go to a game soon...just see what happens :)

No Expiration Date

The Bible never goes outdated. There is not an expiration date that tells you when the content of the book becomes too old to use and when you need to purchase a new fresh one. It saddens me to tell you I am writing this because of a very loving, conservative Christian woman whom I call Grandma. She is wise beyond her years, but she mentioned something tonight. She said something about how she knows what the Bible says, but they probably didn't know what we would be going through at this point in history. Side note: This is not verbatim and like I said, she is a great lady so please do not hate her lol. This comment got the wheels rolling in my head and led me to really think. Every time I read the Bible I know it is fresh. I know it is real. I know it never goes bad. God didn't know what we would be facing at this point in time? He planned this time! The Bible allows us direction for these times. God has purposely given us His word so we can be set apart. So we do not conform to the world. "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2 This has spurred me to think about what God has instructed us to do through His word. Look for upcoming posts on this topic :) Until then, go pick up your Bible...the expiration date isn't up.

Thank You

The message is simple tonight - Thank you to all the past and present service men and women and their families for their daily sacrifices so that we can enjoy freedom. This Memorial Day is so much different than the past. I have a brother who is home for a 2-week leave from Iraq. I am kind of ready for the next 5 months to be over and him be home for good. We cannot do enough for these soldiers who are putting their lives on the line everyday. Trust me, they do not ask for anything. But one thing I ask of you...If you see a solider in uniform, please tell them "thank you." You don't even have to wait for a holiday, do it any day! This simple act of kindness will leave them with a smile on their face and something they can talk about for a long time :) I am continually amazed by the humility of these soldiers. Sorry I can not successfully and completely articulate what I am feeling tonight, but thank you soldiers! God bless and we will be praying until you safely arrive home!

Moving On

There comes a point in everyone's life when you feel like it is your turn to fly. It is your turn to do something more than just the ordinary. I have lived around this town all my life. I love it. However, thankfully, I believe if in a year I do not get a job around here, I will be OK.

The last time I felt like this was the summer between my freshman and sophomore years. I had decided it would be best if I went to OBU. At the present time, I had no clue what I was going to do with my major, if I would make much money, and had basically talked myself into thinking I hadn't made such a wise decision going into something I still had so many questions about. I thought OBU would put a little more distance between the parents and myself and allow me to further and deepen my relationship with Christ because I would be surrounded by Christians. I had talked to some of the admissions reps and was going to major in secondary education. Once again, I am beyond grateful that my God directs my path not I.

I am about to start my senior year, and I still don't know what I want to do with my degree. Not because jobs are absent, but because there is so much to do! As for money...I hope that isn't where my happiness comes from. I have been blessed by the many people who have came into my life while I have been at college. The opportunities and the activities I have been involved in have made my experience here indescribable. Sometimes those have been more beneficial than classes...haha...it is true though. Real-world application at its best :)

Whether I am blessed to stay around this town after a year or if it is time to go somewhere else, I think I am ready to see where God takes me. Until then, I will seize every opportunity until the time comes to move on.

Letter of Surrender

Dear God-

You're everywhere. You're in the warm, crisp summer night. You're in the pureness of a child. You're in the flowers and the things of the nature. You're in the encouragement and smile of a good friend. You're in the magnitude of buildings and structures of the world. Sometimes I wonder how all these can bring curiosity and peace at the same time. It is in these times I realize You were the one who enabled these things, plus so much more, to be about.


You have been tugging on me lately; Slowly drawing me back to You. I know I can never truly be complete unless I am complete in You. I have fled so many times thinking I could make it on my own. But, in the darkness, You have shown me Your light. You have shown me Your agape love. You said "You will never leave nor forsake us." Joshua 1:5 Although at times I feel like I am walking this path alone, You have always been there walking beside me, holding my hand, and at times carrying me.

God, I do not want to be like Peter when You walked on water. You said, "Come" and he walked towards You until he saw the wind. "You of little faith, why did you doubt?" "Wind" occurs everyday, but I don't want to doubt You. I want to place my whole life in Your hands. I always think something should go a certain way, but time and again when it doesn't go my way, You have directed me in a path much more fulfilling and honestly, more of what I desired. My prayer is that I will always walk by faith not sight. "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1

I have doubted, but I don't want You to ask me why I didn't have faith in You. I can not tell you what my future holds, but You had already decided that before You formed me. My mind is cluttered with uncertainties, but I know the peace that transcends all understanding. With that I can find rest. Whatever may come, Lord, I know it is in Your plan and I surrender.

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." John 10:10

"but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

I am

We had a great sermon at church today. Not saying they all aren't great lol, but there are some that just hit when you really need it. For the special music, a lady in our church sang this. I have never heard it before, but I really liked the song. 2 Cor. 12:10 says, "...For when I am weak, then I am strong." Probably a lot I could say, but I will just let it be what you want it to be.

Nichole Nordeman-I am

Pencil marks on a wall, I wasn't always this tall
You scattered some monsters from beneath my bed
You watched my team win
You watched my team lose
Watched when my bicycle went down again
And when I was weak, unable to speak
Still I could call You by name
And I said, Elbow Healer, Superhero
Come if You can
You said, I Am

Only sixteen, life is so mean
What kind of curfew is at 10pm?
You saw my mistakes
And watched my heart break
Heard when I swore I'd never love again
And when I was weak, unable to speak
Still I could call You by name
And I said Heartache Healer, Secret Keeper
Be my best friend
And you said, I Am

You saw me wear white by pale candlelight
I said forever to what lies ahead
Two kids and a dream, with kids that can scream
Too much it might seem when it is 2am
And when I am weak, unable to speak
Still I will call You by name
Shepherd, Savior, Pasture Maker
Hold onto my hand
You say, I Am

The winds of change and circumstance blow in and all around us
So we find a foothold that's familiar
And bless the moments that we feel You nearer

When life had begun, I was woven and spun
You let the angels dance around the throne
And who can say when, but they'll dance again
When I am free and finally headed home
I will be weak, unable to speak
Still I will call You by name
Creator, Maker, Life Sustainer
Comforter, Healer, my Redeemer
Lord and King, Beginning and the End

I Am
Yes, I Am

Spring '09

If you know me at all, you would know this semester has not been a piece of cake. Although I have really liked some of my classes, there have been a few that has totally made this one heck of a semester. Looking back, I think I might miss some of these classes, or at least they gave me some memories. I thought about writing a “top 10” of why I would miss this semester, but I thought you should get a glimpse at all of them. So here’s to you, Spring ’09…

AgLe 4101 – My once a week course. We only had approximately 10 people in the class so we became real close, real fast. By the way, the whole class was discussion. I have never been one to contribute much to class, but I have definitely learned. T and I became the go to people when they needed someone to talk. I now realize it is not as simple to teach a class of students who do not want to participate. Mr. Weeks nicknamed me Flo from those Progressive commercials…I really don’t think I look like her though, but hey, she is probably rolling in some money; those are great commercials! Towards the end of the semester, I think this class was more like therapy than talking about leadership. Maybe that was because we started to apply it to our life. Quite possibly the best class I have taken at college. I will miss those guys :)

Layout – & Design; one of my friends got really excited to hear I was taking layout until she found out we don’t just ‘layout’ all the time…lol…it is still fun to say. OK, she isn’t really dumb, but…Whew! This class was fast, fast, fast. My head might still be spinning. OK, not that bad, plus I like the challenge. I definitely learned a lot I wish there were two semesters of it to go more in depth. C, B, and I shared some memories and inside jokes together. “Sheeeellly” and Seb became a real person here.

Features – What other school book allows you to read about “Strong Beginnings, Satisfying Endings?” Don’t take that dirty!! OK, maybe we did, which made reading the chapter even more interesting. Pun (too cute for words ;) ), pleasure, and others that I have forgotten. However, we did write them down once. I will miss popcorn reading with B….

Ento – Haha…this class is the whole reason I am writing this blog topic. I don’t even know where to start. The best thing that came from this class was the clickers. It was kind of hysterical to answer a question then everyone basically drop their clickers on the desk multiple times. Maybe you had to be there for that one, but it was a highlight of our day. This past week, I had a small fear of getting an F!. If you really want to know why, talk to me in person as this is not the place to put this type of information haha. Oh man, the couple who sit in front of us on the first row... When is it ok to lick a guy’s ear in the middle of class? Well, it happened. C and I attempted to study at the library one night until we found out our other smart friend and her smart friends were studying on the first floor in the library. So, we went and ‘studied’ with them. I am sure they thought we were stupid lol. I don’t think I have made it to the library as many times within one semester as I did with this class. Do you think it is the beginning of a trend for me? Doubtful. How about, ‘Hey, Hey, It’s Eval Day!” This was the day we had been waiting for since we started!! I wrote a children’s book called “Lucky the Ladybug.” Hmm…probably shouldn’t get that published. Bug Bowl – Whirlygigs? WTF? I am still wondering why we were called that. However, I did make some new friends and everyday I was very productive. Every Tuesday and Thursday, I was given an hour and 15 minutes to get caught up on anything I needed to…I think I will miss that class HAHA…

PR – You know, this class really did boost my confidence. He made me feel like I could actually write. Getting a 60/50 is pretty good don’t you think? Enough said…I needed that boost at the end of the semester.

MGMT – Assignments were great; Tests not so much. Staying up late in 266 with K and then finishing up on Friday mornings at work because we would always get caught up in an intense conversation and then decide it was too late to finish lol.

I can laugh at this stuff now, and I hope you did too. Fall’09 – you have a lot to live up to.

Attitude

"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.

Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company ... a church ... a home.

The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past. We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable.

The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude ... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me, and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you ... we are in charge of our Attitudes."- Charles Swindoll

As I was passing an office today, I noticed these words posted on the outside of the door. This is not the first time I have heard this saying, but sometimes you need to hear it again before it can truly sink in.

I like to think of myself as a typically upbeat, positive, God-lovin' girl. However, lately I have felt my attitude has not been what it should be. It has been more about bitterness and how could they do this to me?? lol But, I believe we are given the opportunity to choose whether we are happy or not. Life happens. It is not always fair. But, I don't have to live like that. I can be happy :)

I read this last week, "This situation hasn't caught God off guard." So even when I am frustrated at something, God already knows it was coming...Heck, He planned that very moment! Today, I choose to be happy and blessed!

The Soldier

I last saw him at the end of September. He arrived in Iraq on Oct. 12. Talk about a life-changing experience. I tried to act like I had it all together, but truth be told I was crumbling inside. I really believe from that point on, some things in my life had changed. I thought several people in my life would be there, but they really weren't. I learned how to lean on God. I learned how to allow Him to be my Healer and my Provider. I learned how much family really meant. Now, I still sometimes struggle with both, but nobody is perfect :)

Bryan and I have always been fairly close. In whatever he did, he always worked hard and never complained. Everyone liked him. Before high school, my life consisted of watching him play baseball in the fall, basketball in the winter, and baseball in the spring. You know what? I loved it. I would much of rather been there than do anything that I was doing lol. I am pretty sure I cried when they lost their area playoff game in basketball when he was a senior. I know, crazy huh? :) I mean I didn't even shed one tear when I cheered my last game or graduated from high school. He played the part of 'big brother' really well lol. He even allowed me to hang out with him, but there isn't much to do in small town Oilton, USA. So just 'hanging out' wasn't really my thing. However, being the younger sister, I loved being around him and his friends ;) Haha

Although he has always been a very determined person, I have never seen him put more into something as he has the military. In his unit, he was named Soldier of the Month in only his 2nd month to be there. It is a joke over there because he has met people such as John McCain, George W. Bush, Kellie Pickler, Lewis Black, WWF people (I'm not really into that lol), Santa Claus, and he is actually friends with Beau Biden. He was recently transferred to Camp Liberty because many officers had recruited him so much. Kinda makes a sister proud :) He gets up early and stays late. I actually do not like to get up early and stay up late any day haha.

He may be in an office, but that doesn't make him 'safe.' Because I like to read the news, every time I see a headline regarding Iraq or Baghdad, I go read it. Typically they are about an American soldier dying, but names are never released. I mean, I know if he was hurt or killed, we would know immediately as he was identified, but I still cringe every time I read one of those headlines. I don't think anyone really understands that. For the longest time, I felt extremely guilty for having fun because I knew he was in Iraq. I was really excited to learn soldiers could drink 2 beers on Super Bowl Sunday because I knew he would get to have a little fun. And, I know they make the most of their time by playing flag football games, running marathons and half-marathons (which my brother has won several awards or should I say T-shirts for placing in these events) and whatever else they do lol.

Bryan will be home in about two weeks for his 2-week leave. As excited as I am he will be home, I have incredibly mixed feelings. As hard as it was to say goodbye the first time, how about the second? My niece is super excited. She told me several months ago she wanted to hunt Easter eggs with daddy, so guess what we will be doing? I never knew it could hurt so bad when a 3-year-old looks up at you and says, "I miss daddy." Or, when you are blowing bubbles says, "that is going to daddy in Iraq." She can even point on a map where Bryan is and where we are. Wow, that is a long ways! lol

I am not writing this for pity. I am writing this because I feel like people are at different points in their life and we all need to understand that. Sorry if writing a paper, doing homework, and taking tests do not always seem like that big of a deal to me right now. Sorry if I would rather be with family than practically doing nothing at my apartment. Sorry if I would rather be with my niece and nephew doing anything with them than being a regular college student who doesn't have to think about such things. I am starting to feel like what I felt before he left. However, in two weeks, it all starts again. I know my emotions will be hanging right on my sleeves. And be careful, a simple "How are you doing?" might result in me breaking down haha. Trust me, it happened when he went to Basic Training! lol. I try to be strong; I am pretty good faking that emotion, but sometimes I just can't. Sometimes people can't. I am not always good at relating to people, but I try. I hope you will give it a try too :)

The Greatest Love

"...God is love." 1 John 4:8

This seems so simple. To understand the God of the universe is love and He loves us. But, I need to share that I have been struggling lately with this thought. Not so much as if He loves us, but why does He love us? Over 2000 years ago, God sent His one and only son to live on Earth. To live among the liars and theifs and sinners, imperfect people like you and me. Although Jesus was tempted in every way, He lived a perfect life. He has been through the struggles and brokenness we face and yet remained sinless. He is our example. And still, because we are sinners, we hammered every single nail to His body to the cross. We did this to Him, and yet He still loves us and keeps pursuing us with a passion I can't offer Him. As much as I try, I seem to fail and I don't always understand why He continues to love me unconditionally. Recently, the all to common verse, John 3:16, has been used in many situations. How often do we hear this verse and casually glance it over because we know what it says? But, do you? Do you really know what this verse means? God sent His one and only son so that each and everyone of us who BELIEVE in Him will not die but have eternal life!!!! (I added a few of my own words) Christ has brought us from darkness to light!! In sin we are dead, but God has made us alive in Him...and it is fully yours, as a gift. Another verse that seriously has been popping up everywhere lately is, "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise." This is found in Psalm 51:17. I haven't really understood what this meant until lately, and I am sure I couldn't begin to explain all the ways it could be meant. To be honest, I didn't even really know the definition of contrite. According to Merriam-Webster dictionary, contrite means a "feeling or showing sorrow and remorse for a sin or shortcoming." God loves for us to just come as we are to Him and let His love pour over us. It is amazing the complete freedom you receive when you accept God's love and love Him back. God already knows what is going on in your life--He planned it, friend--just talk to Him and let Him break the chains! We all have our struggles, and although "He paid a debt He did not owe, and I owe a debt, I cannot pay," He would have still offered Jesus as a sacrifice so that even one may come to know him as God. By not accepting the love God has bestowed, I am rejecting Him. It is tough for me to swallow and grasp how extravagant the Love of God is, but I am so thankful for this unfathomable love. Thank you, God.

I am reading a book called Crazy Love by Francis Chan. There is a prayer that explains pretty much how I feel...here it is.

Jesus, I need to give myself up. I am not strong enough to love You and walk with You on my own. I can't do it, and I need You. I need You deeply and desperately. I believe You are worth it, that You are better than anything else I could have in this life or the next. I want You. And when I don't, I want to want You. Be all in me. Take all of me. Have Your way with me.

You can't really talk about God's love without talking about grace so stay tuned for the next blog :)

Miss California

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
Matthew 6:19-21

Were you able to watch the Miss USA contest the other night? I was not, but I have definitely heard about it and I am sure you have to. Miss California Carrie Prejean was asked a question about same-sex marriage. She gave an honest answer and said her beliefs are that marriage is supposed to be between a man and a woman. Amen.

Prejean was competing for MISS USA!! This is not the time to stand up for your beliefs, right? She may have lost a crown here on Earth, but great are her rewards in Heaven. She was on the Today Show and told Matt Lauer it is the way she was brought up. It was Biblical truth. This wasn't God's plan for her. She wouldn't change a thing. Wow...

It is amazing to me how our plans sometimes do not coincide with what God has in store for us. Sometimes I am very stubborn and want to go my way, but God has my whole life planned out...He already knows what is going to happen. He has a plan for me :)

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans for a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

I may not always know His plan, but I know it is far greater than mine. Simply because it is God-created. I will cling to that truth.

Prejean will not be Miss USA. But, because she stood up for what she believed in, she will be able to talk to students and others about doing what is right. She has been given opportunities to let God's light shine through this whole situation. Don't tell me God isn't in it...

Disclaimer: This is my opinion...my right as an American...you can have yours too...

To listen to Miss California go to this link... http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/26184891/vp/30322011#30322011

Blessed

April flies by way too fast to really know what each day brings. Being a student, you have tests, projects, and papers just to keep up with school. Then your personal life and whatever may come with that. Then you have all the extracurricular stuff such as club meetings, banquets, contests, you know...end of the year wrap-up activities. In this hectic and some what chaotic time, we tend to forget how very blessed we are.

In 1995, I was a first grader at Harmony Elementary in Cushing, Okla., when I heard a loud noise. I remember looking around and everyone in my class heard it. Not many will believe that a town over an hour away from Oklahoma City would hear this boom, but we did. That afternoon, every TV station was reporting about a bombing that took place at the Alfred P. Murrah Building. This attack claimed 168 lives, left hundreds injured, and probably had countless other effects on people we will never know.

In 1999, a high school shooting in Columbine, Colo., claimed 12 lives and left many injured. Ten years ago today, families lost their loved ones. This has seemed to cause an uproar with security in our school systems. This includes our elementary schools. These kids are too young to have these type of feelings.

In 2007, as a freshmen in college, reports were all over the TV saying a shooting had taken place at Virginia Tech. This left me scared as I walked across campus the next morning to attend my 7:30 a.m. class. We all became Hokies that day.

Amidst these tragedies, we have to look back on these things and say we are blessed, don't we? My thoughts and prayers will forever go out to the families and friends who lost people in these events. When April appears to become too fast, I will remember how blessed I am.

Blessed not because of these events, but blessed I was given the opportunity to live another day. Blessed to still have my family and friends. Blessed to live in a free country. Blessed to say "In God we trust!" There are many things to be thankful for...you might just have to look around.

The birds and the bees

Today has been very uneventful. However, my niece whom you have read a little about it previous posts is here with us tonight. We are watching a movie and the girl gets pregnant and so my 3-year old niece turns around and says, "how did she get pregnant?" OK now, isn't that a little too young for her to be asking a question of this magnitude. Maybe she is just inquisitive. Haha...we laughed and my little brother said a stork brings the baby...lol. She didn't ask anymore. I am not the mom or dad, this is not my job. Maybe this post was TMI, but I think it is funny. Anyways, tomorrow is Easter Sunday!!

I'm Back :)

Hey, guys! Sorry it has been awhile with school and all, I just haven't found much time to blog. But, I think I am making it a goal to blog a little maybe everyday...we will see..lol. Anyways, I know you are dying to know what is going on in my mind and I am about to tell you.

Fires have been burning like crazy here in Oklahoma. We have had our fair share of natural disasters and this one was no different than the others. Often people laugh at our news stations because they tend to only report on whatever weather may be happening, especially if it is something like this. However, I think a little different. I think this is Oklahoma at its best. They reported on what Oklahoma wants to hear. I also noticed how many mass texts were sent out last night to pray for the firefighters and families still battling the fires. This is America! This is Oklahoma! We help each other out. It amazes me every time. So many people stepped up today to help their fellow Oklahomans. Right now, we are not the only ones who are experiencing disasters such as these. It makes me really open my eyes to what is really important, ya know? I am very blessed I can sit here tonight in the comfort of my home with most all my family members. But, my prayers will still go out to everyone in America who may not be as fortunate tonight.

This is Easter weekend. In fact, today is Good Friday!! I read something today by Max Lucado about the cross. The cross is very symbolic in the Christian faith. People wear them as jewelry, hang them in their homes, some may even make the image of a cross when they pray. The list could go on and on. The wow factor here is ... my Jesus died on a cross over 2000 years ago today. He died so that I may live. What might seem as a symbol of death, is really a symbol of life! I am so thankful for the cross!! Isaiah 53:5 says, "But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed." Wow! Thank you Jesus! I know I am not worthy of his love and grace and mercy. But, I am learning to lean on Him more and more because I can't live without Him. As the lyrics go, "Jesus paid it all, all to Him I owe."

This weekend, have fun hunting easter eggs and enjoying yummy food with the family (because I will too), but please remember what this holiday means..Jesus died on the cross so that we may live...but he rose on the 3rd day. He is alive!

To read Max Lucado's article about the cross, please visit http://maxlucado.com/email/2009/03.29.html

Adventures of babysitting

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. - Galatians 5:22-23 (NIV)

Recently God has made me well-aware of my need for patience in my life. This morning as I was walking and pushing my nephew in the stroller, I had a great opportunity to pray for patience throughout the day.

It turned out to be just a completely beautiful spring day so there was a lot of playing, mainly outside! My nephew is 17 months so he needs constant watching and entertaining it seems like. However, after praying this prayer, I truly saw God at work. We had a great time! He even took his plate, looked at me, and then proceeded to dump all of his food on the carpet. This was a test of patience for me ... and, I laughed! Then when he went to sleep, I vacuumed it up. Really, he is a small child, he doesn't know.

It was also a blessing he went to sleep so fast for his nap even though he was crying at first. We went to the park this afternoon and it was so much fun! It made me remember the many days my neighbors and I would ride our bikes to the park and just play for as long as we could.

Now, I really do love spending time with little kids and I am pretty good with them so don't think I am one of these people that loose their temper easily and often because that is totally not like me at all. But, I do need patience in my life ... in many areas. And, I do pray, but sometimes my prayers are not as specific such as this one.

Here is a take home message for you today, PRAY - God really does listen. He loves to have His children talk to Him. Sometimes it does take more than one time to pray about something specific as well ... it is all about His timing! God bless and look out for more babysitting adventures in the near future ...

I think I am a closet nerd

Ok, so tonight the space shuttle flew over my town at 8:06 p.m., just like they reported. And, we aren't supposed to believe media ... lol ... But, truthfully, I really was excited to watch the shuttle go over Oklahoma. One reason I am a closet nerd. Here is another ... I like to read newspapers (both online and the real thing) as well as watch the news. I am interested in politics, though I don't always have an opinion because I think it is sometimes best we don't. I like history. Especially small town history. I could listen to my dad talk about Texas all day. I like school, I really do. I would rather be given busy work anyday than to just not do anything. I like to read as well. However, I tend to buy way more books than I actually read. It is like I have this addiction to books ... weird I know. How about this. My goal for this summer: Pick 5 books to read and do it! I will let you know what I decide later. Until then, let's keep the nerd part a secret, ok? lol :)

Questions ...

Why do we want the things that we can not have, but ignore those things/people that are right there? This question seems to come up almost everyday anymore, but I still haven't found the answers. Potentially it is because I do not want to accept the answers to the first question. Or, what if what we want is only temporary and it isn't what we really want? I shouldn't even worry about these things, right? I am almost a senior in college, I should be used to this concept by now. So, I guess I am done writing for now ... time to not think about this and go on ...